The Torch

I'm back in Craftsbury after an excellent 10 day boondoggle in Henley. It was just what the doctor ordered. I was skeptical at first about how the whole trip would work out when I was first asked to go, but Jack Carlson truly did an excellent job organzing and steering our hearty crew. He corralled 8 very talented and very brokenhearted rowers from Olympic Pair Trials and in a week turned us into an 8+ that could really fly. The aptly named Operation Silkworm was intended to give an Olympic Final to those who did not make the Olympic Team. Racing in front of that crowd on Saturday afternoon against the Dutch Olympic 8 was probably as close as you can get to the real thing. But the truth is its entirely unique and prestigious in its own right. Hundreds of thousands of people lining the 2,112 m course and the top 8 in the world in the lane next to us. If you missed it, you can watch our full race against the Dutch on YouTube here. The Dutch outweighed us by 32 lbs per man. At 12 st 10 lbs(178 lbs), I weighed in 51 lbs lighter than their biggest guy, Oliver Sieglaar. And into a 15-18 mph headwind, our crew that averaged 188 lbs, was relentless. We took one move after an other to push into their boat and at the mile mark we had reduced their lead to a 1/4 length. Despite throwing everything we had at them in our sprint, they moved out to 2/3 Length win. Some might say that has quite a bit to do with the fact that there is considerably less head current in their lane in the last 200 meters or so, but we will just give the Dutch the benefit of the doubt and chalk it up to them being stronger than us ;) 

Now that I'm back, I'm fearful of sitting still and letting the reality set in that I won't be racing in Rio in a month. The news of the Russian M4x doping has drawn out a lot of feelings that were just beginning to subside. I now find myself wondering if we could have gone faster in the last 20 strokes in Lucerne to stay ahead of the now New Zealand olympic men's quad that finished .6 ahead of us. At the time it felt inconsequential. We were flopping around in Russia's wake and Canada was out of reach. I don't even remember seeing NZL once in that race. I only remember feeling helpless. I had envisioned that race so many times unfolding so many different ways, but never did I envision us in the last 500 unable to sprint because we were in another boats wake. It was inconceivable to me that another quad could get that far up on us. I never thought doping would ever be something that would ever affect me or anyone in this sport. Maybe if there was more money in the sport but the fact that there isn't makes this even more despicable. We have contacted FISA and laid out our list of grievances, most notably that Russia's presence compromised the fairness of the entire regatta and most importantly the Final. As it stands now we missed qualification by .6 to NZL, but I would argue that race would have gone down drastically different without the race dynamics that Russia's drug induced starting speed forced on the rest of the field. The crews that were hurt the most by that dynamic, i.e. wake, were those in the lanes next to Russia( USA and NZL). The simple solution is to expand the event and allow the boats that were in contention to compete in Rio. Allowing ourselves and China(who finished 1.3 seconds behind NZL and .7 behind us) to compete would expand the event to 12 boats making a very clean two final Olympic regatta. It would be the same as the men's four that for some reason is allotted more spots at the Olympics than the quad. This all being said, we have received a fairly firm response from FISA saying that there is no chance to expand the regatta. In fact, it seems like they are very unwilling to ask IOC for additional slots. Unfortunately, I think the Olympic Reagtta is only going to get smaller in the future. A few weeks after Lucerne I began to accept that we didn't make it, but the news about the Russians and the renewed small glimmer of hope has made this considerably more painful. There was some comfort knowing that New Zealand also did not make it and that they were sharing this disappointment with us, but seeing how easily they went from being out to in makes me scream inside:" WHY CAN'T WE GO TOO!!???" I'm dangerously close to making it sound like I only cared about going to the Olympics. I hope that any one who has read this blog through the last few years would know that I've loved being on this journey and that pursuing a very lofty goal has brought out the very best in me, but that goal was never meant to be the destination, the journey is the destination. It's just hard not to feel slightly cheated by the way the Final Qualification Regatta went down. It's hard not to be angry at Russia for tainting a pure sport. It's hard not to be jealous that New Zealand gets to go. 

There is one other item about the fairness of the FQR that has been bothering us which hasn't gained much traction but I think is significant. After our Final, Coach Gluckman and my Dad noticed that the following launch was much too close to us and New Zealand. They asked us if we wanted to protest, but at the time, we didn't think there were any real grounds to protest. It felt like an excuse for our loss. " Dad, we got beat. That's it," I told my him.  Later he showed us the video of the last 250 of the race. Canada is on the inside up a length or so on us, we are next to them, Russia in the lane next to us in the lead, but directly behind Russia and even with our boat is the following launch. Dead even with the following launch in the next lane is New Zealand. I mentioned earlier that I never saw New Zealand during the race--this is why. In the video, the launch seems to realize it made a mistake with a few strokes to go and begins to back off. This didn't seem like grounds to protest at the time, but now that we missed qualifying for the Olympics by less than a second to a crew that we couldn't see because the following launch was between our two boats? Now its significant. But FISA has told us that there's nothing that can be done, we should have protested while on the water. 

So, what now? I'm sure its coming across very clearly in my writing that I have a lot of fresh wounds at the moment, so its probably not the best time to be making big life decisions. But I want to pay close attention and observe exactly what I'm feeling right now so that I can let it drive whatever is next. I can say with some certainty that I will be continuing on to 2020. There's so much I still want to do in the sport and I feel fortunate that my body feels healthy and strong after a full quadrennial of hard racing. The things that interest me at the moment are pursuing the single internationally, and/or keeping our momentum going in the quad. It's quite possible that it doesn't have to be one or the other; after all, there are a lot of dynamics at play like Ben Davison going back to University of Washington for a few years, what Ben Dann wants to do, etc... But there is some time to figure it out. Whatever the plan, it will all be geared towards being very very fast for World Championships in 2019 and steering clear of the Last Chance Regatta. Craftsbury is in the process of looking for a new head coach for the GRP, so that will have a large impact on the future. In the short term, I just decided that I'm going to travel to Cincinnati next week to race the Elite 1x at Nationals. It will be far from an ideal lead-up to the race, but hopefully I can get some solid aerobic work in the boat this week and feel ready to have a crack at it next week. I've done a few sessions in the single since returning on Monday evening and its great to be sculling again. Hard to believe I've been sweeping for the last three weeks and that this will be the fourth boat class I've raced in the last month. The lesson in it is probably that boat moving is a universal language. The speed of the boat dictates the way you need to apply power and its been fun feeling the boat and adapting to what works.  I'm looking forward to seeing what I can do in the single. Thanks to everyone who has been reading and following this blog. I've been blown away a few times this summer by people who have been following for a few years and feel like they are a part of the journey. It means a lot to hear things like that and to know there are people out there that believe in what we're doing, because there are a lot of people that don't!